Yes, I don’t know if we can be fully aware of the impact of death until it’s immediately in front of your face staring at you, but I’m desperately writing this post, hoping it resignates with a small number who read it, or else this will be for not. My life has clearly come to a crossroads…and either I will cross safely, or be hit so swiftly by a train and won’t feel it.
A bit extreme, right? But, when you really think about it, so is every essential nugget of life. You don’t feel it enough unless it makes you want to build a paradise, or burn in infamy. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth. I’m bipolar, but you either experience life, or let it pass you by. I pray you’ve been blessed enough to be depressed when you know you are missing the highlights.
So what will death be like? I don’t know (here’s hoping it is mostly physically and mentally painfree), but you should be asking yourself this question from time to time as you go through the monotonous, repetitive, flat-circle motions. Does how clean your car smell really complete you? If it does, fuck no I never want to meet you.
Fuck (a big emphasis on the “fah” sound) those that say, “this kind of talk is just depressing and pointless.” They are fucking cowards and have chosen to live a life that neither knows glory or defeat (man in the arena reference). They’ll make up any excuse they like, but the truth is still that, the truth. The avoidance of pain is being channeled by their progressively more desperate word plays and tone fluctuations. They just don’t want to go into uneven water. They don’t want to test their strength of resolve. They don’t want to test their character. They don’t want to test “themselves”…this abstract they hold so firmly onto. You realize who you are is just a unequal proportion of family embedded expected values implanted inside you at an early age combined with the lasting visual and sensational stimuli you’ve experienced on this brief journey that some part or you (maybe a soul?… deeply connected with?)
Well, hopefully you’ve either been following this blog or stumbled upon this article by chance because you know you deserve a second look at what’s important to you…even if for “selfish reasons.”
I’m currently sitting with a few friends, listening to some music and playing a video game about who the fuck knows what? Does it really matter? We’re just passing the time any way imaginable and it is with lame imagination as usual. In many ways we are already dead and we’re just in our 20’s and 30’s…imagine what we will be like when we’re 50 and can’t mentally withstand the taxing reality of frailty? Yeah, you see where this is going…I honestly don’t know what percentage of millenials or beyond will sit and just let nature happen to them. I don’t think many of us are prepared for the mental total of it all. I know I’m not at the age of 26.
So it starts with accepting death they say…that’s when you truly live. It always comes back to Fight Club doesn’t it? Our possessions do own us. Seriously, has a movie ever made more sense with each passing year? It really should hold a special place in cinema in terms of magnitude.
Ok so let’s break this down…
Accept…accept…accept…accept?!…no…no…hit the bowl again…eat another Big Mac…stroke it one more time…take a shot…take or give some physical punishment…sleep…give up…there it is again…fuck…fuck!…fuck!!!…fine…*takes breath* Now what are the bare essentials to climb Mt. Everest?